Persuasive Writing - Why we should fix our field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing about why we should fix our field. 

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix Our Field
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I strongly believe we should fix the school field. We need to fix the field because it is wet most of the time so we can’t go on it and we need to do important sports training and special events.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, the Board of trustees and Mrs Truman should fix the field because everyone is crowded kids need to play, run, train and Another issue is people need to train for tournaments, events.
	Secondly, sometimes when a ball goes over the fence it takes ages to get it back.
	Thirdly, kids can get hurt really bad because it's crowded with lots of students around. Because people get in the way of other people's games then
	Finally, it’s a waste> (moumou) of money because there's equipment the school does not use the field because the it's off limits.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion we need to fix our field because we don’t have enough room to play in, we need the field for sport> (hākinakina) training special events